drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
