She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
