this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
