I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
false alarm, still single
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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