wat bout pragnant strippers??
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
