I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
