does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I could make wine with my vomit
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
