The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize