well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
