Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
