good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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