Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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