my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
