he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize