I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
