They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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