I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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