you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
