i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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