Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
