Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
