I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
