so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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