It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
