No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
