I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
