I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
