People with herpes should wear stickers.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
