my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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