Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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