She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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