I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
