And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
