babies were throwing up all over the place
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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