Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I didn't notice because vodka
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
