At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
