I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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