I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
