We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
