I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
