out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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