So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
