So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
