i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
