my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
