My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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