I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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