His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
