Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
