We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
