You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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