I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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