It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
