grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
