TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
