Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
