So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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