Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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