There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize