My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize