I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
