a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
