Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
