no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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