Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
