I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
