and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
