why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
