I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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