I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
